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Are You A Perve…
My Horoscope for Today*:
Some of you have a big date this weekend, and today is a great day to get that new haircut or style you’ve been wanting. Don’t spare the horses. Go to the best person you can find. It will give you quite a lift. If you have a favor or concession to ask of a mate or partner, wait until tomorrow. Get your arguments in logical order. Your partner will want to know all the ins and outs, and you know there are good ones.
In the news…says Clinton approved a $13 million dollar deal to buy land to protect Yellowstones Old Faithful Geiser. Now, someone tell me why the United States has to pay for land around the national park. Why can’t he just make an order or something that protects the land…and then we could use that $13million for education or something else. I just dont understand some things like this…
So I went to that wedding today. We left the house at 9AM…to arrive for the start of the wedding at 11AM. The ride took nearly the entire two hours to arrive in Ryde, CA from San Francisco. I drove my car, and followed our friends husband all the way up.
The ride itself was more of an adventure than anything else. The guy I was following was cutting of big rigs and driving 80mph…all the while I’m struggling to keep up. At one point, we were on a two lane road (two directions) and he speeds up and overtakes three cars…so in my desparation to keep up I also overtook three cars nearly get into a head on.
Normally we’d take the freeway to Antioch, then take a road to Ryde…which would have been easier. But who needs easy when you can take a short cut. Yep…we took a short cut through the middle of nowhere, probably saving us ten minutes from our trip. We drove for an hour through wheat….to the left and right, nothing else. No farms, no homes, nothing. Then there would be a town…well, I’m not sure what a town consists of exactly, but if a gas station, a restaurant and a small grocery store can be called a town…then thats what it is.
Anyhow, we finally arrived in Ryde, population 60. The weather was over 90 degrees, and when your dressed in an italian wool suit for a wedding…it feels more like 150 degrees. An outdoor wedding…it was very nice. I’ve always liked the idea of outdoor weddings…especially since I barely go inside of churches normally…why do it for my wedding. The reception was indoors, and again a nicely put together time.
One wedding down, just two more to go…I hope. Here’s what I hate most about today…now I have about a million tiny bugs smashed onto my windshield. I dont know what kind of bugs they were, but they really splat when they hit the windshield. They only seem to exist way out in the country too.
I got this email, entitled “Sex Quiz”…here you go:
Sex Quiz Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. (Answers at end of quiz.) If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin. “CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.
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Answers: 1. nose 2. peanut butter 3. crane 4. Titanic 5. tent 6. dentist 7. wedding ring 8. elevator 9. chewing gum 10. newspaper boy 11. glove 12. arrow 13. attorney
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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 22nd, 1999 at 4:03 pm and is filed under A Day in the Life, Entries, Friends and Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.