Plays Well With Others

Observations … · ice cream headaches

Observations …

· ice cream headaches – I was drinking a strawberry milkshake the other day while driving and after managing to suck the shit through the straw I found myself with a migraine of sorts. Actually I thought my eyeballs were going to pop straight out of my head and land on the dash in front of me. Gives a new meaning to don’t drink and drive.

· farting – so lets say you are in Buckingham Palace and are greeted by the Queen of England. As she passes by, she blows one. Do you (a) pretend you didnt hear it and hope the wind doesnt change direction or (b) start gagging and pointing, screaming not to light a match.

· dogs and peanut butter – I always find it funny that when you give a dog peanut butter, the dog will lap its tongue for damn near an hour trying to get the stuff off.

· nipples – why do guys have them? we dont really use them for anything, unless for some reason you want to get them pierced, you freak. What’s wrong with you? Why the hell would you want to pierce our nipples? Um … who am I talking to.

· braille – why is there braille on drive up ATM keypads? First, I’m hoping there arent too many blind people driving up to the ATM, and second, how do blind people know the difference between a one dollar bill and a fifty dollar bill. If anyone knows, explain it to me.

· computer sales people – for the past month, everyday I come home there is a message on my machine from a computerized voice. The voice leaves the phone number and then begins reading off the reference number and just as it comes to the end the two or three of them numbers will be unrecognizable. This call has come everyday for the last few weeks and everytime the reference number has a few unrecognizable numbers in it. I think its a scam.

· airbags – I’m more afraid of the airbag in my car than I am of actually getting in an accident. All I can imagine is that damn thing going off and knocking my head into the back seat. Could you imagine trying to park in the carport and bumping the wall by accident and the airbag goes off and kills you. That would totally ruin my day.

· first time sex – its funny how people think first time sex is going to be so great and then when they are finished they find it sucked ass. well, okay, let me clarify. It usually sucks ass for the girl. See I dont think guys can have bad sex. For most guys, just getting sex is good enough for them, but for girls, they usually get this idea in their head about how its going to be the first time and are usually let down, either because of an inexperienced partner or the fact that it hurts like a mother fucker. Of course with practice it gets better … so go have some sex.

· ugly people – this is probably really rude, but I always wondered why I couldnt get someone, but then I’d see these butt ugly people together and think “how the hell did they get together and I can get anyone to notice me”.

· birds – why do birds suddenly appear … everytime you are near … just like me … they long to be … close to you …

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