Plays Well With Others

Trouble in the Trenches …

Trouble in the Trenches …

Ever since this whole wedding thing was announced it’s been nothing but one issue after another. Trying to get my mom and stepmother to work together, trying to get Wifey™’s parents to attend, trying to figure out who is paying for what, and all the decision making that has to go on is enough to throw me into spasms. If that wasnt enough now there seems to be a problem with those that are working on the bachelor/bachelorette party (something I shouldnt even be a part of).

Let’s start at the top and work our way down the list, shall we?

Trying to get my mom and stepmother to work together:
My father isn’t exactly my mom’s favorite person in the whole wide world, and so anyone associated with him automatically gets put on the hit list. And, while I set the rules in the beginning that “if there is any fighting or arguing regarding this wedding, I’ll call it all off”, they’ve found a way around it. Actually, there hasnt been any arguing, more like “speaking frankly”. My mom made it clear that SHE is in charge, and anything that my stepmom wants to do has to go through her. Erm. I thought this was MY wedding. And so, I made it clear to everyone that any decisions would be mine and Wifey™’s. WE are the finally authority, no matter who is paying for what. At this point, the two of them haven’t spoken a second time. They both go through me to pass messages. Great.

Trying to get Wifey™’s parents/brother to attend:
Well, doesnt seem they have the money to fly down for the wedding, and I don’t think I have it either. We’ve spent the last few months looking for good fares and interesting ways to get them down from Montreal to San Francisco and that point, we haven’t found anything. The plane tickets are too expensive to fly down three people and we dont have any buddy passes we can use, so it looks like her parents/brother won’t be attending. Her father has told her how he wishes he could, and how sad it is for them, but in the end, it doesnt change the fact that Wifey™ is pretty disappointed her parents won’t be at her wedding, and moreso her father won’t walk her down the aisle.

Trying to figure out who is paying for what:
This kind of relates to the first wedding gripe above. My mom wants to make sure that my father is contibuting as much or more money as she is contributing. You know, because that’s really what this is all about. Wifey™ and I started out wanting the simplest possible wedding with about a handful of people, now we have a wedding with about 65 people attending. How the hell did that happen? Anyhow, at this point we’ve broken it down that my father is paying for the reception, the minister, and the music, while my mom is paying for the flowers, the cake, the champagne, the favors, the wedding dress, the decorations, the ceremony location deposit, and a few other things, and I’m paying for the dance floor deposit, some wine, the cake topper and whatever miscellaneous things come up. Somehow, it comes out about even between my mom and father. At least that’s what I’m trying to make sure of.

All the miscellaneous decision making:
I think this is a girl thing to plan a wedding. What I mean is … I would like this to be something I’m not a major part of. Everyone has ideas of what would be great and fabulous for the wedding and, of course, they all get funnelled through me. Taste this cake, look at these little bags, how’s this color, do you like these flowers, look at these cards, visit this location, meet this person, listen to this music … ack, ack, ack, ack, ack. Now, if Wifey™ were here, she’d be doing all of this and would probably be in heaven. Of course, not that I couldnt care less, because its my wedding too and I want it to be nice, but I think this is a little overkill. All I wanted to do was the invitations. That’s all.

and now for the latest problem …

Problems regarding the bachelor/bachelorette party:
This is supposed to be a surprise type of thing that the wedding party does for us. I’m really not supposed to be involved. Unfortunately, my friends feel the need to involve me in this too. I was asked what kinds of things I would like, and I said I didnt really care, but mentioned that it would be nice if (a) we had a combined party, since it might be uncomfortable for Wifey™ to be partying with a bunch of strangers without me, and (b) that if it were a combined party, the planner should be aware that strippers and bars are not on the list of things Wifey™ and Greg would like, because if a stripper did a lap dance on me, Wifey™ would kill me and then bitch slap the stripper and because neither of us drink much.

Anyhow, the four people in my wedding party are my friend as my Best Man, his fiancee as the maid of honor, my other friend as the groomsman, and my sister as the bride’s maid. So, they are all excited about getting to plan this big event and rightly so. Now, here’s where the problem arises. The groomsman’s wife has started emailing and calling members of the wedding party saying that she’s planning the event, which kind of leaves everyone out. Also, she’s sent emails to my sister saying that my sister and her are going to have to pay for everything, including all the guests, because the Best Man/Maid of Honor are teachers and are cheap and can’t afford anything. Also, her ideas are very extravagant … like hot air ballooning, weekend spas, wine trains, etc. My sister, of course, is shitting a brick because she can’t afford to pay for the long list of people that the groomsman’s wife has made up.

Also, the other night, my Best Man called up saying that this girl is “stepping on toes” by doing all of this, because she’s taking the fun out of the whole process for everyone else, plus she’s totally ragging on him to everyone else. I basically told him to disregard her plans and go on with him own and if he has to, just outrank her … since she’s not even a member of the wedding party as it is.

At this point, I dont really want to deal with all of this too. I told them that anything that took a whole weekend to do was out, because we’d be too busy. Also, spas would be out, because being naked with my friends sounds icky. Whatever ends up happening … I’ll let you all know.


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