Plays Well With Others

Don’t ask …

Does anyone remember when that Tommy and Pamela Anderson video came out? How they fought to keep it private and it ended up going public anyway. Ugh. Especially with the internet, it would be all over the world in less time than it took for Pamela to file the petition.


Did anyone actually see it? Well, I did. I worked for that internet company at the time, and someone downloaded it and all the perverts gathered around and watched it to see what the hell the big deal was. Ugh. Well, what it was was them on a boat and in a car. Pamela gives Tommy a blowjob in the car, and also on the boat and they have closeups of them having sex. I know … too much information. Well, the video leaves nothing to the imagination, and show how well hung Tommy really is, along with close ups of Pammy down under that few have seen before. Ugh.

The point of all that is twofold: the internet scares the hell out of me, and once you had a Cadillac can you ever be happy with a GeoMetro again.

First off, the internet scares the hell out of me. I mean, think about this. You piss off this girl, you break up with her, and she retaliates by posting your naked ass on the internet. Within half a second, that photo is all over the place. In your friends email boxes, posted on Gnutella, just everywhere. And it doesnt even have to be that bitter ex of yours. It could just be a peeping tom, or some guy with one of those cameras hidden in a bookbag looking up your dress. With a click of a button, someone has digitized it and send it over the airways. I mean, if Pam and Tommy won their case and got the tapes back, would it really matter. They get their tapes back but you can still download them on the Gnutella network and there’s no way to stop something like that. Ugh. The internet is a freaky thing in the hands of the wrong people.

Secondly, after seeing that all I could think about was that I’d hate to be the guy to be with Pammy after Tommy was done. Good lord. The weeny wars are bad enough without having to compare to some guy with a big gun. I mean, once you make room in the garage for the Caddy, everything else just doesnt compare. Really, I mean, if you always order the super-size, ordering the small is going to leave you hungry. You’ll be like, well, that was good, but the super-size really fills me up. Things like that are exactly the reason why guys are so sensitive about size. We want to know how we compare to the others. So, girls, just lie to us and we’ll believe you. The last thing we want to hear is that the previous guy had those buffalo balls … ugh.

2 Responses to 'Don’t ask …'

  1. personal avatar
    Katie | 01 August 2001

    Good lord, Gregson… metaphor much?


  2. personal avatar
    Nicole | 01 August 2001

    Buffalo balls! lmao


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