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The Baby Boom …

I swear people are having kids left and right around here. Friends of mine just had one. About seventy bazillion people at work have had some. Ugh. Baby Boomers, Part Deux.

And everytime someone is going to have a kid, a money bag gets passed around at work so the office can buy the person a gift. Ugh. Believe it or not, it can add up if you start giving to every cause that comes by your desk. Especially with all the people popping out kids.

Quite some time ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to participate in anything that required me to donate money or bring in food for a potluck. Of course, such a decision also means that I don’t partake in the food either. It’s only fair. I also don’t really trust the food that my coworkers bring anyhow, so it’s a mixed blessing.

Anyhow, Wednesday was another one of those surprise baby showers that the office throws for this guy that is expecting twins. What’s funny about these surprise parties is that everyone on the floor sneaks into a conference room to wait for the person who is being surprised, but if you were the only person left on an entire floor wouldn’t you sort of catch on. Where’d everyone go?

So, we all go into this conference room, filled with balloons and potluck food and wait … and wait … and wait. Seems no one had taken the time to plan out how they were going to get this guy into the conference room. Eventually they sent someone out to retrieve him and that was that.

He opens the gifts and then its time to eat. Well of course chaos ensues. God forbid people try to act like adults around a table of food. All the fatties rush the table to be the first in line, while everyone else sort of gets in line. Of course the conference table is like ten feet long so there’s really no point in making a line. I mean, you could basically pick a spot on the table and start there. Ugh.

I kind of sat back and watched, sort of an experiement in social behaviors. I mean, you have the folks that are just there for the food — the fatties. They want to make sure they try everything on that table. Then there are the helpers, those that sort of take charge of everything. They don’t sit down and are constantly running around opening food lids, or finding scissors or cutting the cake. And then there are those that are just there to be social and could care less about the food, they’d rather just talk to everyone. And then there are people like me, who dont want the food, certainly don’t want to be social, and are just there to get out of working. Ugh.

And then there are the games. I hate games. I dont like party games and I dont like having to be involved in them. But the alternative is to leave and look rude. So, I half-heartedly played the stupid game. The first involved a safety pin. Basically everyone got a safety pin and you werent allowed to cross your legs at the knees or ankles. If someone caught you crossing your legs, your pin was taken and the person with the most pins won. I didn’t win, but also never lost my pin. The second game involved baby food. Mainly the labels were covered and you had to figure out what kind of baby food was in there by look, taste or smell. That shit was nasty. We got chicken and sweet potatoes. That shit didn’t look, smell or taste like any chicken I’ve ever eaten.

Anyhow, after game time, I got the hell out of there.

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