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Longer, Harder … Erm.

How many of you have receieved this email:

Ugh.

How many of you are girls and don’t want a longer penis? Thought so. What’s up with crap like this infultrating our email boxes all the time. I must get 30 or 40 of these a week wanting me to take pills or strap on devices to alter my male member. I think its fine how it is. It’s not like that of a horse nor is it the size of a pinky finger, it’s average and I’m fine with that, so leave me the hell alone.

Here’s my problem. Growing up, I’d get these cramps in my legs at night and wake up in horrific pain. My mom called them “growing pains”, I called them “hell’. Years and years of cramps in my legs, always at night while I was sleeping. Horrible, I’m telling you. Kind of like a charley horse in your legs. Bad stuff.

Anyhow, so with that experience under my belt and no longer experiencing “growing pains”, why the hell would I want to take some pills that are going to give my penis growing pains. Ugh. Like I said, I’m okay with it. It’s been good to me and I’m not about to put it through something like that.

What’s an even worse thought are these vacuum systems that are out there to enlarge a penis. Ugh. Now that scares the shit out of me. I guess you stick the old sausage in this tube and start up the vacuum and it sucks on it so hard that you supposedly end up with a thicker piece of meat down there. Either that or you end up at the hospital with a tube wrapped around your man meat, trying to explain why you stuck it in a vacuum. Ugh.

Whatever the system of choice, I think it’s time people just come to grips with what God (or your parents chromosomes) gave them. If you feel that having twelve inches make you more of a man, then good luck finding a woman that needs that much man. If you’re worried that your one incher is something to be concerned about, at least you won’t catch it in your zipper. Erm. Okay, if it’s one inch you probably DO have a problem. What the hell are you supposed to do with that thing? Um. Anywayz, I digress.

I can’t wait for someone to figure out how to get rid of junk email. That day will be heaven.

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