Plays Well With Others

The McHealthy Meal …

The news lately has been full of exciting little tidbits that I thought I’d share with y’all.

McDonalds has decided to create an adult version of the Happy Meal called the Go Active Meal. Erm. This should go over as well as the McRib sandwich or the Big and Tasty. Ugh. They expect some fatty to walk into McDonalds and stand there at the counter smelling nice and greasy fries and seeing those neatly wrapped packages of hamburgers sliding down the conveyor belt and then order a salad meal. Not me. If I step into a McDonalds, you better damn well bet that my fat ass is ordering a Big Mac meal and it better be super sized. Maybe it will work itself out. It’s being testing in Indiana right now, so I guess the Indiana-ins will decide for the rest of the world whether the McHealthy Meal will be hitting the store shelves anytime soon. Personally, I’m not going to McDonalds for a salad … even if you do get a pedometer in every box. It just ain’t happening.

At the very least, I want a sandwich, which brings me to Burger King’s latest healthy meal — a lowfat, baguette style chicken sandwich. Now we’re talking. A sandwich, something I can bite into and chew. Of course, if I’m going to haul my ass down to a fast-food restaurant then I’m going to end with a sure thing, rather than trying something new that I might not even like.

Other news shows that a study conducted in England is stating that your sleep position reveals your personality. Here are the various positions and what they mean:

Crouched in the fetal position is the most popular sleep pattern and favored by 51 percent of women, according to the results of the study he conducted for a large hotel group.

Fetal sleepers tend to be shy and sensitive while people who assume the soldier position, flat on their back with arms at their sides, are quiet and reserved.

Sleeping on one’s side with legs outstretched and arms down in what Idzikowski refers to as the log, indicates a social, easy-going personality. But if the arms are outstretched, the person tends to be more suspicious.

The freefall, flat on the tummy with the hands at the sides of the head, is the most unusual position. Only 6.5 percent of people prefer it and they are usually brash and gregarious.

Unassuming, good listeners usually adopt the starfish position — on the back with outstretched arms and legs.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to change positions in my sleep. I might start off on my back and flip over to my stomach and then end up on my side and then back on my back. So I guess I’m just a psychiatric study in neurosis.

Also, what if your partner is a “starfish” sleeper. Well, the bed isn’t big enough for two “starfish” sleepers, so one of you is going to be forced into the “hugging the edge of the bed, clinging on for life” position. For the most part, Wifey™ tends to be the “freefall, flat on the tummy” sleeper, while I tend to move about. I think most of the time, I tend to be in the “soldier” position. People have often told me that I look like I’m dead. Flat on my back, hands on my stomach or at my sides … like I’ve been placed in a coffin. Strange, ain’t it.

Speaking of strange, lately I’ve been getting emails with the subject lines saying, “Pound your girls vagina like a jackhammer” and “Smash her coochie like it’s on fire” and “Blast her cooch loose from her body”. Erm. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that’s going to be getting me any poontang anytime soon. I have a feeling that isn’t going to win me any points. You have to wonder though, do some guys actually click on that thinking, “cool, that’s just what I’ve been wanting to do … pound her vagina like a jackhammer”. First off, pounding anything isn’t going to help either of us. I certainly don’t want to go breaking my dick or end up hospitalized because of some email I click on. Nice, happy sex … that works for me. I’ll leave the jackhammer, pounding and smashing sex to the Super Studs out there in the world that have something to prove.

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