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Sex and Dating…

Someone wrote in to a weblog: “I recently had an encounter w/ a man who wanted to date me but when I refused sex on the first date, he got nasty and all it did was make me realize that, whether he knew it or not, sex was all that mattered to him, and he was not looking for an actual relationship.”

And a guy responded: “I think there are some pieces to this story missing. You have a first date with a guy, you refuse sex and he gets nasty. It makes me wonder why he would even think it was an option to begin with.”

And then a woman responded: “Regardless if signals were sent out, does a REAL man not take responsibility for his own actions. If a woman wears something sexy I guess that is an invite to be raped. I’m sick of this. Come on.. there is never any need for nastiness. Its some kind of entitlement issue they have. What’s up with that?”

Jesus. It went from a guy getting nasty for not getting some poontang to rape in all of three paragraphs. Whoa. That’s quite a leap.

First of all, based on what the initial writer wrote, we have no clue what “getting nasty” meant. She later clarified it and from her further explanation everyone can agree that the guy was an asshole, but from her initial comments, “getting nasty” could’ve been anything from giving her the cold shoulder to beating her.

The guys response is merely asking, is there more information before I pass judgement? Most guys aren’t going to assume a first date will mean sex unless there’s some kind of vibe being sent out. They may HOPE there will be some sex, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be getting any. Most guys are also aware that the chances are slim to none.

And that brings me to the woman’s response to the guy where she brings up rape. No one deserves to be raped. The point is that the guy is allowed to be frustrated is signals were put out, and he should be able to tell her how he feels. If it escalates, then everyone agrees that the woman is well within her rights to feel threatened. For a woman to bring up the rape card, it’s the same as a black person bringing out the race card. It’s just not necessary.

This is a classic example of why women get categorized as psychos. Moxie says a guy has the right to be pissed if a woman intentionally led him on in some way – dinner, money spent, over the line flirting. A woman takes the word pissed and turns it into knife-wielding psychopath who flips out and starts screaming at the woman and shoving a fist in her face. THAT’S why men think so many women are crazy. No matter what gets said no matter how specific something is said some women still take the words and twist them around. Moxie must have been said three times that it wasn’t right for a guy to expect sex just because money was spent.

I think guys and girls are equally to blame when it comes to dating. Women will gladly go out to dinner with a guy, let him think they’re interested, even though they aren’t, allow him to spend $250 on dinner and then shoot him down, just for the free meal. Should the guy not be a big angry for being taken advantage of?

Let’s flip that and say that a guy goes out with a girl that he’s not that interested in just to get laid. He showed some faux interest in her, she had sex with him and afterwards he’s like, “thanks but we shouldn’t really see each other anymore”. Should she not be angry for being used for sex?

I think at the end of the day, what makes dating difficult is that it’s hard to find someone with the same intentions and often those intentions aren’t clearly stated prior to the date. Honestly, who’s going to meet someone for the first time and ask, “So, just so I’m clear, are we going to be fucking tonight or what?”. Yeah.

First off, men shouldn’t be spending $250 on ANYONE for a first date. That’s just dumb. You may not get sex until the third or fourth date, if you’re lucky, and I doubt you’re going to feel like you got $1000 worth of sex afterwards. And women, split the bill on the first date and then you know there won’t be any strings attached, if the guy turns out to be a complete loser.

Secondly, just because the guy expressed his frustration doesn’t automatically turn him into a rapist. If you’re being a cocktease, sending out the signals, getting him all turned on, inviting him up to your apartment, making out and letting things get to the point where sex is inches away and then saying “no go”, he has every right to call you on it. Not hit or abuse you or force the sex issue, but definitely give you some words to live by. The same goes for guys. Just because you treat her to an expensive dinner, wine and dine her, doesn’t mean she owes you anymore than a handshake at the end of the night. You’re just dumb for spending that much in an effort to impress someone who you barely know.

Tags: dating, relationships, men, women, sex

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