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On Death…

About a week ago, I was informed that a family member had passed away. He was my mom’s uncle—my grandfather’s brother—and I’d only met him a handful of times. I didn’t attend the funeral due to the short notice, but my mom and her siblings attended as representatives of the family. It’s unfortunate, but larger side of the family don’t see each other much except for times like this.

Death is the final part of life. We’ll all get there at some point at the very end of our lives, some earlier than others, for a variety of reasons. My mom’s uncle passed away at the age of 98. A long, long life typical of the people in my family. My great-grandmother died in her late 90’s, my grandmother in her early 90’s.

And although death is a part of life, funerals are something I’ve never really gotten used to. I understand the whole part about paying respects to the family and giving speeches to remember the deceased, but what creeps me out is the whole “open coffin” thing. I just don’t get it. Why on earth would you want to look at someone who’s dead? I mean, to have that image of them laying in a coffin as your last and final memory is beyond me.

I’ve never understood this whole ritual of gathering in a room designed specifically for funerals, displaying the dead body on an alter at the front of the room, having people go up and look at them and then having others give speeches. Personally, I think if you want to do something, you should gather at the home of a family member—something familiar with photos all around—and sit around and reminisce about the person.

And certainly don’t invite the dead guy to the party. I think once your dead, no one needs to be looking at you. Just stick them in the ground or ground them up and dump them in the sea. But please, don’t stick them in a box in front of the room so everyone can stare at them. It’s not how most people live and certainly something most people wouldn’t want after passing away.

Another thing I don’t understand is why people spend thousands of dollars on a coffin that’s going to be buried under ground. Once it’s down there, no one’s going to see it and no one’s going to know if it was made of mahogany or pine, or whether it was lined in satin or cotton. Personally, I think it’s a waste of money paid for someone that’s just going to decompose. I’d rather you just turn me to ash, dig a hole and plant a tree on top of me.

And so, although everyone has their own spiritual and religious rituals, personally, the whole funeral process is one that I’d rather do without. Have a nice party, celebrate the deceased person’s life and the lives of the people in the room, have some laughs and a final drink in honor of the guest of honor.

Tags: death, funeral, family

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