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Whoa …

Damn terrorists have just gone crazy now. They’re burning up our damn SUV’s. We Californians can’t do without our SUV’s. We have to have our really, really big ass vehicles to make up for the fact that we all have small penises. Studies have shown that the size of your vehicle directly correlates to the size of your man member. So there. Damn terrorists. Making fun of our penises.

Okay, to avoid litigation, I have no proof that it’s the terrorists that did this. Just because some notes were left saying “fat, lazy Americans”, doesn’t mean that the terrorists did it. So without pointing fingers at any group that might have hijacked some planes and crashed them into some really tall buildings, I’ll just say that it seems a little suspicious. Just because a certain group controls all the oil and doesn’t like the fact that certain Americans with small penises like to drive around on freeways in military-style vehicles. Because these military-style vehicles are really the most efficient way to get around. Ugh.

Like, why the hell do you need an Excursion or a Hummer to go to the grocery store? Anyone. And most of the people driving these things are soccer moms. The ones that used to drive minivans, now drive Hummers. Ugh. Why do soccer moms always feel the need to have the largest possible vehicle on the market. First station wagons, then mini-vans, now Hummers. Soon, they’ll be buying entire buses.

Anyhow, here’s part of the story, from Associated Press:

I’ve been watching this VH1 special about the 70’s. Ugh. This is better than the one about the 80’s. Jesus, all my favorite reruns in one show. Wonder Woman, Superman, Wonder Twins, Fantasy Island, Bee Gees, What’s Happening? … great stuff. What sucks is that you have to watch like five hours of these to get through the whole fucking decade … ugh. It’s like a fucking drug. They suck you in and next thing you know, the sun’s freaking coming up and you still haven’t gone to bed.

Erm. Um … is that the sun?

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